Hi Elizabeth! I chose your storybook because your title - Hero Visa Pending - reminded me a lot of the Disney version of Hercules, specifically when the satyr, Phil (I don't know how familiar you are with the movie) is singing about how he has had many disappointments in the so-called heroes he has mentored (i.e. Achilles, Perseus) and that Hercules will be his one last hope. I was excited because I guessed your stories would involve some of the great Greco-Roman Heroes and I was not disappointed! I love, though, the creative spin with which you have approached your stories. The third-party perspective with a modern twist is brilliant and I love the way that you were able to add humor to some pretty dark myth. Your cover page was great! How ever EPIC of you to begin with a poem. I was really impressed the entire time I was reading your introduction and your first story (because, of course, after I read the intro I was hooked and could not stop reading). I've always found it pretty difficult to tell a story from the perspective of a third party - especially in the manner in which you've done it, with the main character merely overhearing a story being retold - and incorporate all of the necessary detail in order to make the story cohesive. You did that beautifully! I could go on and on (and on and on) about the things I loved about your storybook, from your depiction of the god Hades (not an evil-looking dude with a weird flaming head? - another Hercules reference), to your clever way of explaining the way the underworld is laid out (because it is super confusing ), but I've already blathered on enough. As a huge Greco-Roman Myth nerd, I cannot wait to read more of Kyle's encounters with gods and heroes on katabaisis (katabasi?) alike!
I really like your storybook website! Aesthetically, it was set up very nicely. The colors all went together and I liked the overall “look” of the website. The only thing I would change in this department is making the leading of the lines a little further apart. The words were all piled up on top of one another, causing the reader to have to strain to differentiate the lines from one another.
Your introduction was really interesting. I had to go back and read it twice because there were a lot of characters! I love the use of dialogue and details in your introduction. I felt like I was in that office hearing these people talk. This is also the type of story that seems like it would be made into a movie so that made it really fun to read as well. I liked that the characters were a mix between supernatural and superheroes. The dialogue reminded me of a “Harry Potter” or “Lord of the Rings” type dialogue and that made it a really interesting read.
Overall, I am very intrigued by this the idea of this storybook. I can’t wait to come back and find out what happens to the characters in these stories.
Great job on your storybook thus far, Elizabeth. I think you definitely have a great start. I only have a few suggestions. First of all, I liked your cover page. However, when I first saw it, I didn't fully understand what your storybook was about. So if I were you, I would try to improve that first cover page because that is the first thing your reader will see, and you want it to catch their eye enough that they will want to keep reading! Next thing I wanted to address is that I really liked your introduction. I would suggest breaking some of your large paragraphs though, because the paragraphs looks overwhelmingly large. In addition to that, I would almost suggest cutting some of your introduction because it was so long. Regarding the story. One little thing I would change is the font for that page. I would suggest using a serif font such as Times New Roman, or Bookman, so that way the text is more legible. This could be applied on your introduction as well, which is especially difficult to read. I'm taking a design class right now, and those are little things I have learned that would apply to you. You may even consider using the same font on every page so that way it is consistent. But, that's just a suggestion. I didn't mean to be picky, just a few suggestions though! You truly did a great job! I enjoyed what you have done so far!
Hi Elizabeth, Congratulations on your work thus far in the class! Your storybook looks great to me so far. I really like the cohesive color scheme and the aesthetics of the site seem to be very coherent. Specifically, I really enjoyed the picture on the introduction phase. The poem on the cover page was a little confusing to me, but it made more sense as I worked my way through the overall site. Your introduction was really interesting, and a very good length. My only advice for this section is that the lines of text were very close together, which caused me difficulty reading. I actually copied all of the text into Microsoft Word and read it that way after changing the formatting around. I think if you were able to change the formatting on the introduction to make it easier on the eyes it would be perfect. In addition, changing the stark white to a cream background may work better with the overall color scheme of your project. You have done a great job with your introduction and first story so far! I really like your use of images and the way that your pages are set up. I’m looking forward to continuing to read!
Hello Elizabeth, I am choosing your storybook as my free choice. You are such a great writer I had to come see how your storybook was coming along. Also the title intrigued me. Your cover page is very clean and nice. The poem is great as well. I also like the picture you put. The introduction is amazing! Your writing is perfect and so great. I was really confused for a lot of the introduction though. I had no idea what was going on but as I got to the end of the introduction I started to understand what the story is about. You chose a great picture for this section as well. The hotel foyer is beautiful! I like how you sent away Marcus on his honeymoon and Kyle is upset that he has to do his job. I could see this happening in real life between two guys. Your first story is great as well. It was also less confusing than the introduction. I like that you made Loki and Hades friends. They are both pretty mischievous so they make great friends. I have never heard of this story so I was very entertained by it. Also your author’s note helped a lot in understanding the story. Great job so far!
Hey Elizabeth! As I was reading back through all of my comments from my peers throughout the semester, I ran across the one that you posted on my introduction towards the beginning of the year! I just wanted to say thank you for the advice you gave about the area that I should check out on my bike! I had completely forgotten about that until finding it today, so I cannot wait to go check it out before the weather gets too chilly! Thanks again and good luck on any midterms that may be coming up for you!
Oh hello, Elizabeth! I know you! I was the vice president of the Japanese club a couple years ago. Fancy seeing you here. :)
Your introduction immediately made me think of the comic Fables. All these characters working together in a modern setting. I love that! I appreciate how much personality these characters have. I want to hug Kyle, he seems like such an adorable goofball. The way you chose to tell the story is so unique. I've always liked stories in which the main character doesn't necessarily live the journey, but rather hears or reads about it and the reader gets to learn with them. Hopefully that makes sense because that's how I see yours going. Will it stay that way, though? I'll have to come back to read the next parts!
You wrote very well. I had no problem keeping up and there weren't any little "huh?" moments. I'm easily confused so that's especially important for me. The design of the site is nice as well. It looks clean and professional without being boring. Your pictures and the poem in the beginning are nice touches! Also, I'm always glad when a background is left white. Makes it a lot easier to read, at least for me.
Basically, I have no complaints! I really like where this is going and I want to read more!
Hey Elizabeth! Great job on your whole site! I can tell that you really thought out everything in your coverpage, introduction, and story. They all fit together very nicely.
On your coverpage, the poem you wrote is awesome! It is very creative and it definitely drew me in to read more. The picture is also a great choice. It is a bit dramatic and dark, which is interesting because it contradicts with the humorous tone of the story.
As for your introduction, it is very well written. Actually, most of your work is very well written so I’m not so surprised! Kyle’s lighthearted humor and he has a very down-to-earth (haha) personality. I like how this was very thought out from Marcus leaving for his honeymoon plans to incorporating Hades regal nature. (This is definitely not the Hades from Disney’s Hercules!) Overall, I loved your idea of writing about katabasis. It is very interesting and creative!
As for your first story, you did a really good job on this! I like how you did not stick to a Greek-Roman story. Norse mythology is a great choice because many people are not as familiar with it as Greek-Roman mythology, but generally, everyone knows who the important gods are. I also liked how your ended this story about the Inter-Pathenon Ball. I am assuming this is to set up the next story? I am looking forward to seeing how your site develops this semester!
Your topic is very interesting and you took such a unique take on it! The cover page is amazing! The picture is perfect and very intriguing to the eye. The poem you wrote was such a creative way to really set the scene for what is to come in your storybook website. The idea of a visa card is very clever and I thought it was a great analogy to entering the underworld and your concept of traveling that you introduce in the introduction page with Marcus going on a honeymoon “topside.” I also appreciate how you work the explanation of what Katabasis was because I was not familiar with the term. You really did a great job in paralleling the actions of the underworld to the actions of a present day corporate business.
I thought your first story was very well written and I was able to follow along easily for the most part. I had some difficulty in keeping all of the different characters and wondered if each of them was truly necessary to the story. Sometimes with so many names, especially very unique sounding ones, the reader can get lost in trying to keep up with who is who and who did what. Your dialogue between characters was seamless and flowed very nicely. I also thought you did a great job by including some of Kyle’s personal thoughts through the use of italics, such as “…. Does this count as eavesdropping?” You also did a great job in developing the characters of Lord Hades and Loki with their playful banter.
I really enjoyed reading your Storybook. The introduction did a great job of drawing me in! With the dialogue and word usage, it made the story come to life. I almost felt like it could have been made into a Netflix show! In addition, I thought your title was well phrased and a perfect representation for your site. I love reading about mythology especially since it includes the supernatural and mythical creatures that we would never dream of actually encountering. But, I love your modern twist on it with the whole desk job, it definitely made it more relatable and bridged the connection to our modern world experiences.
I really enjoyed the small, but prevalent drama in your first story “The Unexpected Visitor”. You really do a great job writing the details and making the story come to life in the audience’s head! I like how you changed up the katabasis, and I’m glad you explained what katabasis was in your introduction. I think choosing Kyle’s viewpoint for the story is very creative and unusual! I think you did an excellent job and the pictures were perfect for each of the pages as well! I cannot wait to read the rest of your stories for this storybook project!
I wanted to thank you for your comments on my portfolio. You gave very insightful and constructive criticism, while staying optimistic. I noticed that you mentioned my issue with using commas in places I don't need to. This is the same thing that I am getting back in my edits from our professor as well. I think it's great that I have not just her but you also giving me great tips. Thanks again and if you ever have a chance to look at my other stories, I would love to hear your thoughts on those as well!
You have done a great job on your storybook so far! Your topic is very interesting and creative. I like how you have taken Hades, a character I always think about as the villain from the Disney movie Hercules, and sort of made him into someone different. Your descriptions of him maintain some of the previous images I had of him, but since you did not mention a blue flame on his head for hair, he seems quite different, ha!
Your cover page looks really great! The image you chose is very fitting; it is a great way to get the readers thinking about the underworld. Also, the poem you wrote is awesome! I definitely would not consider myself a poet, so I am always really impressed with people who can write such beautiful poetry.
Also, I read your first story, The Unexpected Visitor, and it looks to be in great shape! I like how you incorporated Loki and made him and Hades friends. It was very entertaining! I did not read the second story, not yet at least, but I am certain it is just as good as the first, so I will be looking forward to reading it in the future!
Excellent story. I love how you included a poem with your picture on the opening page, very different and very fun. It brought your story to a new level. I really enjoyed reading your introduction. I found it to be fun, interesting, and very clever. I think my favorite was how you used the incredibly mundane task of having to do paperwork as the beginning of your introduction. What I really enjoyed about your introduction was how descriptive you were. Hades did not just come through the doors but he burst through them. The way you described the setting of the office was probably my favorite. I know that I can struggle with explaining what I see in my head, but you did an excellent job! In your story the Wandering Bard, you continue to impress me with your detail usage. You make sure that the reader already has a positive feeling about Persephone even before the narrator states that everyone loves her. I do not think I know a single person who is just like gross flower smell, she must be evil. Excellent job. I also really enjoyed your slight use of sarcasm in your paper as well. It added a hilarious element to your writing. Great Job. Keep it up!
I’m always excited when there is a storybook in my group that I haven’t seen yet. I love that you wrote your own poem for your homepage and you are the first one I’ve seen to have more than just a few pictures. Furthermore, the poem is great and pretty ominous, so I’m not quite sure yet what the storybook is about. You did mention Hades though so I’m pretty excited! This is a great homepage because it makes the reader curious and want to read more to find out what exactly this is about!
This is such a fun idea! I love that you took a heroic and gloomy part of Greek mythology and turned it into an everyday, modern setting. It was hilarious to read about “Lord Hades” telling his receptionist what to do. Better yet, there are some great stories of heroes trying to retrieve their loved ones from the underworld and you have such an original idea about make them check-in first with the secretary. This is brilliant!
I was really surprised to start reading about Norse gods and not Greek heroes, but this was a great story! It’s fun to have an innocent mortal bystander listening to two gods just talk the day away. You have created a great premise here and I’ll probably come back next week and read the second story!
Hello Elizabeth! I see you have added quite a bit to your storybook since the last time I read it! Since I last frequented your page, you have added two great stories. I must say, each story is very well written and interesting. I can tell that you have done quite a bit of research in order to write these and I applaud the amount of effort you have clearly put in. I didn't see any noticeable grammatical errors, and the word choice you use for your main character Kyle makes him very personable and brings him to life. I must say that in addition to how well the stories are written, your author's notes are great as well. Since I am not as familiar with the greek mythology, I find your author's notes to be imperative for when reading these stories in order to fully understand the meaning behind them. Overall, you have done a great job and I am very impressed with what you have done! Keep up the great work!
Hey Elizabeth, I picked your story because it had a very interesting title. I thought your cover page was intriguing and it drew me in to read the rest. The picture you use goes perfectly with the poem. I only read the introduction and the first story, but they were both great! I will definitely have to come back for more. The idea of having Hades’ fill in receptionist tell the story is fantastic. It is a different view than any story I have ever heard. I thought the banter back and forth between Hades and the receptionist was funny. I have never thought about the underworld from the worker’s point of view. In order to work there, you really would need a different view on beauty. It is also interesting to think of someone like Hades drinking coffee and working a job like anyone else. In so many other stories, they are put on a pedestal and we imagine them sitting around and enjoying being in charge but never really doing much except starting drama.
It was certainly an interesting twist to bring Loki into the story with Hades. The gathering of many gods for a ball would make a fantastic story. I loved it and look forward to coming back and reading the rest.
Hi Elizabeth! I decided to return to your storybook this week for one of my free reads because I enjoyed reading it so much a few weeks ago. I love that you've added a few Greco-Roman stories! Like I said before, I really like the perspective you've created using Kyle to narrate the comings and goings of the Underworld. You've done a great job of developing his character, by the way - he is so sassy! I think it's great that for your account of Odysseus, you added elements from Homer, Virgil, and Dante because each element added an interesting aspect to the story of Odysseus, like how he would eventually end up in the 6th level of hell. I think your story about Orpheus and Eurydice was my favorite that I've read on your page so far. It's one of my favorites of Ovid's anyway and then you did a beautiful job representing it. It was hilarious how annoyed Kyle seemed by the appearance of a random poet. This was a good way of adding humor to what I consider to be a rather sad story. I appreciated your representation of Persephone and Hades as a happily married couple - I've heard both that Persephone did indeed grow to love her captor and that she was held in the Underworld against her will, but I think you're right in that it's more fun to think of them as madly in love especially when it looks like she wears the pants in the relationship. Great job again!
I love that you're using an image of Gustave Doré's woodprints! I love those, and I'm actually planning on getting a print for my room. More importantly, I use those images for my Storybook, which focuses on Dante's "Divine Comedy." Even though there is quite a bit of white on the coverpage, it matches the woodprint that you have included as your image.
Furthermore, I love how you have depicted the happenings of the underworld as a business! I can see how Hades would be a confident, CEO-like figure. One thing that stands out to me is that you use Kyle nearly as a proxy for the readers. For example, you have Lord Hades explain the meaning of "katabasis" to Kyle, but in turn, it also explains the word to your audience.
You seem to do the same thing in your first story, and it has the effect of adding some suspense to the story. I strongly suggest that you continue doing that to ensure you do not leave your readers in the dust.
I did have one question about something that stood out to me. When you write "Pit workers views on beauty tend to be skewered," did you mean to say that they tend to be "skewed"?
This is the first time that I have been able to read your storybook, and I am quite impressed. The poem on the opening page is so intriguing. I love how you have set up the underworld as a complicated organization with Hades as the boss and all his underlings with jobs about deciding who should end up in what kind of afterlife and making sure that the pits of hell are all working correctly. All the details in the storybook fit together so well with this new setting you have created. Throwing Loki into the mix with this crowd seems like a very good idea. I agree that Loki and Hades would be friends. They are both "bad guys" that generally people actually like even though they do some pretty horrible things. I always feel bad for hades because he could not be normal even if he tried and Loki is screwed up in the head, but sometimes he seems he helps out a lot for the sake of good. Overall, your storybook is very well written, and the details fit together with your setting amazingly. Good job.
Thanks so much for your comments on my Storybook! I'm glad you enjoyed it and understood Lemminkainen's transformation over the course of the story. I really appreciate the comments!
Hello Elizabeth, Hero Visa Pending is such a creative title. I haven’t read your stories yet but judging by the title I’m sure it’s going to be a great read. The image you chose for the cover photo is a very interesting image. I really like that you wrote such a great poem and included in your cover. What a creative introduction! I love that you gave a modern humorous feel to gods like Hades. You’re so descriptive with everything that I can almost imagine everything as its going on. That’s not always easy to do with writing so kudos to you for that! I really like that you chose to center you storybook on the mishaps that Kyle will have to go through as Hade’s assistant for a week. I can only imagine what Marcus had to go through. You really wrote the story well to where we can actually feel exactly what Kyle is going through. I was wondering how and when you’d introduce Persephone into this story. What is Hades without his beloved wife? This storybook is so well written and also a very amusing read. You did a fantastic job in this, I can tell you worked very hard!
Elizabeth, I love the poem you created for your coverpage. It was so creative and flowed so well, so kudos to you! Do you often write your own poetry because I’m sure you have a talent for it. You really caught my attention with it so I cannot wait to read your storybook! I love that Lord Hades is the boss in the introduction and Kyle ends up having to deal with the paperwork! Marcus really left him a lot of work.
Your first story, The Unexpected Visitor, was so well written. Kyle is an awesome character design and he really has the confidence to try to get that place turned around. Bringing Loki into the mix creates an even bigger plot and I love that the Gods here are being introduced to us. I almost get a political sense to this story with Loki and Hades arguing together about Baldur and Fenrir.
You are so creative. I love the way you have introduced all these characters in an environment that seems so organized and modern. That is an awesome way to get readers attention and make it your own story! Good job and I hope you continue to write!
Hi Elizabeth, I am finishing up the last internet assignment for the class because I took a break earlier in the semester. Most of the story books that I normally commented on did not add any more entries so I decided to try someone new's story and since yours got voted as one of the best written story books, I decided to drop on by. Anyway I really liked the style and theme that you wrote your storybook in. The business-like backdrop for your characters and plot makes this pretty enjoyable, but then again I love the Office so little pranks like you had Loki play like Jim does to Dwight amused me. I also like how you decided to have the different mythologies of gods intertwined and in a similar universe. For the second entry in your storybook I thought the incident report that you put in there was hilarious. That has been the first time I have seen someone include part of their story into the text that way. For the third story, I liked the inclusion of Odysseus's quest to the underworld and specifically how you treated it. I also liked how you ended your story, for another story I read they left a cliff hanger and it was pretty frustrating. Anyway great job and good luck with finals.
Hi Elizabeth! I chose your storybook because your title - Hero Visa Pending - reminded me a lot of the Disney version of Hercules, specifically when the satyr, Phil (I don't know how familiar you are with the movie) is singing about how he has had many disappointments in the so-called heroes he has mentored (i.e. Achilles, Perseus) and that Hercules will be his one last hope. I was excited because I guessed your stories would involve some of the great Greco-Roman Heroes and I was not disappointed! I love, though, the creative spin with which you have approached your stories. The third-party perspective with a modern twist is brilliant and I love the way that you were able to add humor to some pretty dark myth. Your cover page was great! How ever EPIC of you to begin with a poem. I was really impressed the entire time I was reading your introduction and your first story (because, of course, after I read the intro I was hooked and could not stop reading). I've always found it pretty difficult to tell a story from the perspective of a third party - especially in the manner in which you've done it, with the main character merely overhearing a story being retold - and incorporate all of the necessary detail in order to make the story cohesive. You did that beautifully! I could go on and on (and on and on) about the things I loved about your storybook, from your depiction of the god Hades (not an evil-looking dude with a weird flaming head? - another Hercules reference), to your clever way of explaining the way the underworld is laid out (because it is super confusing ), but I've already blathered on enough. As a huge Greco-Roman Myth nerd, I cannot wait to read more of Kyle's encounters with gods and heroes on katabaisis (katabasi?) alike!
ReplyDeleteElizabeth,
ReplyDeleteI really like your storybook website! Aesthetically, it was set up very nicely. The colors all went together and I liked the overall “look” of the website. The only thing I would change in this department is making the leading of the lines a little further apart. The words were all piled up on top of one another, causing the reader to have to strain to differentiate the lines from one another.
Your introduction was really interesting. I had to go back and read it twice because there were a lot of characters! I love the use of dialogue and details in your introduction. I felt like I was in that office hearing these people talk. This is also the type of story that seems like it would be made into a movie so that made it really fun to read as well. I liked that the characters were a mix between supernatural and superheroes. The dialogue reminded me of a “Harry Potter” or “Lord of the Rings” type dialogue and that made it a really interesting read.
Overall, I am very intrigued by this the idea of this storybook. I can’t wait to come back and find out what happens to the characters in these stories.
Great job on your storybook thus far, Elizabeth. I think you definitely have a great start. I only have a few suggestions.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I liked your cover page. However, when I first saw it, I didn't fully understand what your storybook was about. So if I were you, I would try to improve that first cover page because that is the first thing your reader will see, and you want it to catch their eye enough that they will want to keep reading!
Next thing I wanted to address is that I really liked your introduction. I would suggest breaking some of your large paragraphs though, because the paragraphs looks overwhelmingly large. In addition to that, I would almost suggest cutting some of your introduction because it was so long.
Regarding the story. One little thing I would change is the font for that page. I would suggest using a serif font such as Times New Roman, or Bookman, so that way the text is more legible. This could be applied on your introduction as well, which is especially difficult to read. I'm taking a design class right now, and those are little things I have learned that would apply to you. You may even consider using the same font on every page so that way it is consistent. But, that's just a suggestion.
I didn't mean to be picky, just a few suggestions though! You truly did a great job! I enjoyed what you have done so far!
Hi Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your work thus far in the class! Your storybook looks great to me so far. I really like the cohesive color scheme and the aesthetics of the site seem to be very coherent. Specifically, I really enjoyed the picture on the introduction phase. The poem on the cover page was a little confusing to me, but it made more sense as I worked my way through the overall site.
Your introduction was really interesting, and a very good length. My only advice for this section is that the lines of text were very close together, which caused me difficulty reading. I actually copied all of the text into Microsoft Word and read it that way after changing the formatting around. I think if you were able to change the formatting on the introduction to make it easier on the eyes it would be perfect. In addition, changing the stark white to a cream background may work better with the overall color scheme of your project.
You have done a great job with your introduction and first story so far! I really like your use of images and the way that your pages are set up. I’m looking forward to continuing to read!
Mackenzie
Hello Elizabeth, I am choosing your storybook as my free choice. You are such a great writer I had to come see how your storybook was coming along. Also the title intrigued me. Your cover page is very clean and nice. The poem is great as well. I also like the picture you put. The introduction is amazing! Your writing is perfect and so great. I was really confused for a lot of the introduction though. I had no idea what was going on but as I got to the end of the introduction I started to understand what the story is about. You chose a great picture for this section as well. The hotel foyer is beautiful! I like how you sent away Marcus on his honeymoon and Kyle is upset that he has to do his job. I could see this happening in real life between two guys. Your first story is great as well. It was also less confusing than the introduction. I like that you made Loki and Hades friends. They are both pretty mischievous so they make great friends. I have never heard of this story so I was very entertained by it. Also your author’s note helped a lot in understanding the story. Great job so far!
ReplyDeleteHey Elizabeth! As I was reading back through all of my comments from my peers throughout the semester, I ran across the one that you posted on my introduction towards the beginning of the year! I just wanted to say thank you for the advice you gave about the area that I should check out on my bike! I had completely forgotten about that until finding it today, so I cannot wait to go check it out before the weather gets too chilly! Thanks again and good luck on any midterms that may be coming up for you!
ReplyDeleteOh hello, Elizabeth! I know you! I was the vice president of the Japanese club a couple years ago. Fancy seeing you here. :)
ReplyDeleteYour introduction immediately made me think of the comic Fables. All these characters working together in a modern setting. I love that! I appreciate how much personality these characters have. I want to hug Kyle, he seems like such an adorable goofball. The way you chose to tell the story is so unique. I've always liked stories in which the main character doesn't necessarily live the journey, but rather hears or reads about it and the reader gets to learn with them. Hopefully that makes sense because that's how I see yours going. Will it stay that way, though? I'll have to come back to read the next parts!
You wrote very well. I had no problem keeping up and there weren't any little "huh?" moments. I'm easily confused so that's especially important for me. The design of the site is nice as well. It looks clean and professional without being boring. Your pictures and the poem in the beginning are nice touches! Also, I'm always glad when a background is left white. Makes it a lot easier to read, at least for me.
Basically, I have no complaints! I really like where this is going and I want to read more!
Hey Elizabeth! Great job on your whole site! I can tell that you really thought out everything in your coverpage, introduction, and story. They all fit together very nicely.
ReplyDeleteOn your coverpage, the poem you wrote is awesome! It is very creative and it definitely drew me in to read more. The picture is also a great choice. It is a bit dramatic and dark, which is interesting because it contradicts with the humorous tone of the story.
As for your introduction, it is very well written. Actually, most of your work is very well written so I’m not so surprised! Kyle’s lighthearted humor and he has a very down-to-earth (haha) personality. I like how this was very thought out from Marcus leaving for his honeymoon plans to incorporating Hades regal nature. (This is definitely not the Hades from Disney’s Hercules!) Overall, I loved your idea of writing about katabasis. It is very interesting and creative!
As for your first story, you did a really good job on this! I like how you did not stick to a Greek-Roman story. Norse mythology is a great choice because many people are not as familiar with it as Greek-Roman mythology, but generally, everyone knows who the important gods are. I also liked how your ended this story about the Inter-Pathenon Ball. I am assuming this is to set up the next story? I am looking forward to seeing how your site develops this semester!
Your topic is very interesting and you took such a unique take on it! The cover page is amazing! The picture is perfect and very intriguing to the eye. The poem you wrote was such a creative way to really set the scene for what is to come in your storybook website. The idea of a visa card is very clever and I thought it was a great analogy to entering the underworld and your concept of traveling that you introduce in the introduction page with Marcus going on a honeymoon “topside.” I also appreciate how you work the explanation of what Katabasis was because I was not familiar with the term. You really did a great job in paralleling the actions of the underworld to the actions of a present day corporate business.
ReplyDeleteI thought your first story was very well written and I was able to follow along easily for the most part. I had some difficulty in keeping all of the different characters and wondered if each of them was truly necessary to the story. Sometimes with so many names, especially very unique sounding ones, the reader can get lost in trying to keep up with who is who and who did what. Your dialogue between characters was seamless and flowed very nicely. I also thought you did a great job by including some of Kyle’s personal thoughts through the use of italics, such as “…. Does this count as eavesdropping?” You also did a great job in developing the characters of Lord Hades and Loki with their playful banter.
Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your Storybook. The introduction did a great job of drawing me in! With the dialogue and word usage, it made the story come to life. I almost felt like it could have been made into a Netflix show! In addition, I thought your title was well phrased and a perfect representation for your site. I love reading about mythology especially since it includes the supernatural and mythical creatures that we would never dream of actually encountering. But, I love your modern twist on it with the whole desk job, it definitely made it more relatable and bridged the connection to our modern world experiences.
I really enjoyed the small, but prevalent drama in your first story “The Unexpected Visitor”. You really do a great job writing the details and making the story come to life in the audience’s head! I like how you changed up the katabasis, and I’m glad you explained what katabasis was in your introduction. I think choosing Kyle’s viewpoint for the story is very creative and unusual! I think you did an excellent job and the pictures were perfect for each of the pages as well! I cannot wait to read the rest of your stories for this storybook project!
Hello Elizabeth!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to thank you for your comments on my portfolio. You gave very insightful and constructive criticism, while staying optimistic. I noticed that you mentioned my issue with using commas in places I don't need to. This is the same thing that I am getting back in my edits from our professor as well. I think it's great that I have not just her but you also giving me great tips. Thanks again and if you ever have a chance to look at my other stories, I would love to hear your thoughts on those as well!
Hey Elizabeth!
ReplyDeleteYou have done a great job on your storybook so far! Your topic is very interesting and creative. I like how you have taken Hades, a character I always think about as the villain from the Disney movie Hercules, and sort of made him into someone different. Your descriptions of him maintain some of the previous images I had of him, but since you did not mention a blue flame on his head for hair, he seems quite different, ha!
Your cover page looks really great! The image you chose is very fitting; it is a great way to get the readers thinking about the underworld. Also, the poem you wrote is awesome! I definitely would not consider myself a poet, so I am always really impressed with people who can write such beautiful poetry.
Also, I read your first story, The Unexpected Visitor, and it looks to be in great shape! I like how you incorporated Loki and made him and Hades friends. It was very entertaining! I did not read the second story, not yet at least, but I am certain it is just as good as the first, so I will be looking forward to reading it in the future!
Hey Elizabeth
ReplyDeleteExcellent story. I love how you included a poem with your picture on the opening page, very different and very fun. It brought your story to a new level. I really enjoyed reading your introduction. I found it to be fun, interesting, and very clever. I think my favorite was how you used the incredibly mundane task of having to do paperwork as the beginning of your introduction. What I really enjoyed about your introduction was how descriptive you were. Hades did not just come through the doors but he burst through them. The way you described the setting of the office was probably my favorite. I know that I can struggle with explaining what I see in my head, but you did an excellent job! In your story the Wandering Bard, you continue to impress me with your detail usage. You make sure that the reader already has a positive feeling about Persephone even before the narrator states that everyone loves her. I do not think I know a single person who is just like gross flower smell, she must be evil. Excellent job. I also really enjoyed your slight use of sarcasm in your paper as well. It added a hilarious element to your writing. Great Job. Keep it up!
Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteI’m always excited when there is a storybook in my group that I haven’t seen yet. I love that you wrote your own poem for your homepage and you are the first one I’ve seen to have more than just a few pictures. Furthermore, the poem is great and pretty ominous, so I’m not quite sure yet what the storybook is about. You did mention Hades though so I’m pretty excited! This is a great homepage because it makes the reader curious and want to read more to find out what exactly this is about!
This is such a fun idea! I love that you took a heroic and gloomy part of Greek mythology and turned it into an everyday, modern setting. It was hilarious to read about “Lord Hades” telling his receptionist what to do. Better yet, there are some great stories of heroes trying to retrieve their loved ones from the underworld and you have such an original idea about make them check-in first with the secretary. This is brilliant!
I was really surprised to start reading about Norse gods and not Greek heroes, but this was a great story! It’s fun to have an innocent mortal bystander listening to two gods just talk the day away. You have created a great premise here and I’ll probably come back next week and read the second story!
Hello Elizabeth! I see you have added quite a bit to your storybook since the last time I read it! Since I last frequented your page, you have added two great stories. I must say, each story is very well written and interesting. I can tell that you have done quite a bit of research in order to write these and I applaud the amount of effort you have clearly put in. I didn't see any noticeable grammatical errors, and the word choice you use for your main character Kyle makes him very personable and brings him to life. I must say that in addition to how well the stories are written, your author's notes are great as well. Since I am not as familiar with the greek mythology, I find your author's notes to be imperative for when reading these stories in order to fully understand the meaning behind them. Overall, you have done a great job and I am very impressed with what you have done! Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteHey Elizabeth, I picked your story because it had a very interesting title. I thought your cover page was intriguing and it drew me in to read the rest. The picture you use goes perfectly with the poem. I only read the introduction and the first story, but they were both great! I will definitely have to come back for more.
ReplyDeleteThe idea of having Hades’ fill in receptionist tell the story is fantastic. It is a different view than any story I have ever heard. I thought the banter back and forth between Hades and the receptionist was funny. I have never thought about the underworld from the worker’s point of view. In order to work there, you really would need a different view on beauty. It is also interesting to think of someone like Hades drinking coffee and working a job like anyone else. In so many other stories, they are put on a pedestal and we imagine them sitting around and enjoying being in charge but never really doing much except starting drama.
It was certainly an interesting twist to bring Loki into the story with Hades. The gathering of many gods for a ball would make a fantastic story. I loved it and look forward to coming back and reading the rest.
Hi Elizabeth! I decided to return to your storybook this week for one of my free reads because I enjoyed reading it so much a few weeks ago. I love that you've added a few Greco-Roman stories! Like I said before, I really like the perspective you've created using Kyle to narrate the comings and goings of the Underworld. You've done a great job of developing his character, by the way - he is so sassy! I think it's great that for your account of Odysseus, you added elements from Homer, Virgil, and Dante because each element added an interesting aspect to the story of Odysseus, like how he would eventually end up in the 6th level of hell. I think your story about Orpheus and Eurydice was my favorite that I've read on your page so far. It's one of my favorites of Ovid's anyway and then you did a beautiful job representing it. It was hilarious how annoyed Kyle seemed by the appearance of a random poet. This was a good way of adding humor to what I consider to be a rather sad story. I appreciated your representation of Persephone and Hades as a happily married couple - I've heard both that Persephone did indeed grow to love her captor and that she was held in the Underworld against her will, but I think you're right in that it's more fun to think of them as madly in love especially when it looks like she wears the pants in the relationship. Great job again!
ReplyDeleteI love that you're using an image of Gustave Doré's woodprints! I love those, and I'm actually planning on getting a print for my room. More importantly, I use those images for my Storybook, which focuses on Dante's "Divine Comedy." Even though there is quite a bit of white on the coverpage, it matches the woodprint that you have included as your image.
ReplyDeleteFurthermore, I love how you have depicted the happenings of the underworld as a business! I can see how Hades would be a confident, CEO-like figure. One thing that stands out to me is that you use Kyle nearly as a proxy for the readers. For example, you have Lord Hades explain the meaning of "katabasis" to Kyle, but in turn, it also explains the word to your audience.
You seem to do the same thing in your first story, and it has the effect of adding some suspense to the story. I strongly suggest that you continue doing that to ensure you do not leave your readers in the dust.
I did have one question about something that stood out to me. When you write "Pit workers views on beauty tend to be skewered," did you mean to say that they tend to be "skewed"?
Other than that, great work!
This is the first time that I have been able to read your storybook, and I am quite impressed. The poem on the opening page is so intriguing. I love how you have set up the underworld as a complicated organization with Hades as the boss and all his underlings with jobs about deciding who should end up in what kind of afterlife and making sure that the pits of hell are all working correctly. All the details in the storybook fit together so well with this new setting you have created.
ReplyDeleteThrowing Loki into the mix with this crowd seems like a very good idea. I agree that Loki and Hades would be friends. They are both "bad guys" that generally people actually like even though they do some pretty horrible things. I always feel bad for hades because he could not be normal even if he tried and Loki is screwed up in the head, but sometimes he seems he helps out a lot for the sake of good.
Overall, your storybook is very well written, and the details fit together with your setting amazingly. Good job.
Thanks so much for your comments on my Storybook! I'm glad you enjoyed it and understood Lemminkainen's transformation over the course of the story. I really appreciate the comments!
ReplyDeleteHello Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteHero Visa Pending is such a creative title. I haven’t read your stories yet but judging by the title I’m sure it’s going to be a great read. The image you chose for the cover photo is a very interesting image. I really like that you wrote such a great poem and included in your cover. What a creative introduction! I love that you gave a modern humorous feel to gods like Hades. You’re so descriptive with everything that I can almost imagine everything as its going on. That’s not always easy to do with writing so kudos to you for that! I really like that you chose to center you storybook on the mishaps that Kyle will have to go through as Hade’s assistant for a week. I can only imagine what Marcus had to go through. You really wrote the story well to where we can actually feel exactly what Kyle is going through. I was wondering how and when you’d introduce Persephone into this story. What is Hades without his beloved wife? This storybook is so well written and also a very amusing read. You did a fantastic job in this, I can tell you worked very hard!
Elizabeth, I love the poem you created for your coverpage. It was so creative and flowed so well, so kudos to you! Do you often write your own poetry because I’m sure you have a talent for it. You really caught my attention with it so I cannot wait to read your storybook! I love that Lord Hades is the boss in the introduction and Kyle ends up having to deal with the paperwork! Marcus really left him a lot of work.
ReplyDeleteYour first story, The Unexpected Visitor, was so well written. Kyle is an awesome character design and he really has the confidence to try to get that place turned around. Bringing Loki into the mix creates an even bigger plot and I love that the Gods here are being introduced to us. I almost get a political sense to this story with Loki and Hades arguing together about Baldur and Fenrir.
You are so creative. I love the way you have introduced all these characters in an environment that seems so organized and modern. That is an awesome way to get readers attention and make it your own story! Good job and I hope you continue to write!
Hi Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteI am finishing up the last internet assignment for the class because I took a break earlier in the semester. Most of the story books that I normally commented on did not add any more entries so I decided to try someone new's story and since yours got voted as one of the best written story books, I decided to drop on by.
Anyway I really liked the style and theme that you wrote your storybook in. The business-like backdrop for your characters and plot makes this pretty enjoyable, but then again I love the Office so little pranks like you had Loki play like Jim does to Dwight amused me. I also like how you decided to have the different mythologies of gods intertwined and in a similar universe.
For the second entry in your storybook I thought the incident report that you put in there was hilarious. That has been the first time I have seen someone include part of their story into the text that way.
For the third story, I liked the inclusion of Odysseus's quest to the underworld and specifically how you treated it.
I also liked how you ended your story, for another story I read they left a cliff hanger and it was pretty frustrating.
Anyway great job and good luck with finals.