For such a great pharaoh, he really was an idiot. Yes dear, Isis silently snarked to herself as she waited outside the banquet hall, hold a feast with every man in the kingdom who is looking to usurp your power. You truly are the smartest of us all. She loved her husband, but by Ra he had some terrible ideas. It wasn’t quite Osiris’ fault - he simply didn’t see enemies in anyone unless it was a clear cut war. His belief in the goodness of humans was one of the things Isis loved about him, but it did make her want to tear her hair out in frustration every now and then.
Isis had stopped believing in true, unselfish hearts the day she poisoned the sun god to gain power for herself.
And so she waited outside and listened. Osiris may not suspect his brother, but Isis had been the one at court all these months. She had seen the greed in Set’s heart and knew this banquet could only come to ill. Gradually the wine flowed (getting drunk in the presence of the enemy? Oh yes my beloved husband, truly you are the wisest of men) and as the night went on a chest was brought forth.
Isis crept closer in the shadows, and observed as foolish man after drunken man attempted to cram himself into the purposefully-shaped chest. Isis watched the triumph shine in Set’s dark eyes and knew his heart.
Only after she had breathed her last would Isis allow this place to become her husband’s tomb.
And so the queen drew herself up regally and with all the grace deserved of her position entered the hall. She had put on a new gown in splendid white, and adorned her neck and arms with her finest jewels. The crowd of drunken men had no choice but to gaze upon her as she entered for she had dressed to captivate their eyes.
“I had thought you’d already departed, my queen,” Osiris observed as she bowed before him.
“I was delayed by trivial matters,” Isis smoothly replied. “Besides, how could I depart without gaining leave of my husband?”
Osiris gave her a dazzling smile, and Isis felt her heart swell with love. Oh, how she had missed him. “Look at this chest, my love,” he commented. “Set has declared that any who fit within it shall claim it as their prize.”
Isis looked over the chest, making a show of running one hand along it’s edge as she mentally calculated the dimensions. “This is true craftsmanship,” she commented. With a hidden smile, Isis turned half-lidded eyes upon Set. “Yet truly, you must wish to keep this treasure Set - such a piece would complement your halls well.”
Set shrugged good-naturedly (ignorant fool had always underestimated her) but the seed had been sown. Men about the hall began to clamour for Set to undertake the challenge, and when Osiris agreed with this consensus the man had no choice but to consent.
Isis remained by the side, clasping her hands in a show of girlish glee as Set lowered himself into the chest. He gave barely a try before sitting up again. “No, it is too small,” he complained.
“Oh dear cousin,” Isis protested, “you give up the game before it is begun! You did not try at all.”
Set looked annoyed, but these intoxicated men would never deny her anything - not when her hair shone like the starlit sky and her skin like bronze. These petty games of beauty had become child’s play ages ago. “Come now brother,” Osiris called out, “don’t stand so humble - give it a real try.”
Grudgingly, Set laid down again. He stayed there a moment as Isis faked a frown. When he sat back up, Set seemed to gloat in his triumph. “Why frown you so, my queen?”
“You do your honor wrong to deny such a gift,” Isis protested sweetly. “Lie down again and I shall show how you fit better than any other.”
The ignorance of men worked to her advantage, for Set showed no hesitation as he gave in to the cajoling of the other drunkards and lay back down. His eyes held amusement and triumph as Isis reached down to help him fit. Isis feigned confusion, and then commented, “Sit back up. This way won’t work, but I have another idea.”
Set did as told, and backed up until his legs were straight. “My head shall never fit if I lay back,” the man protested in jest.
“Of course it will,” Isis countered. “You just need to shift a slight amount - here, let me help you.” And then Isis took hold of her long dagger handle from beneath her skirts and separated his traitorous head from the tall body. Calmly as a flower arranger Isis picked up the bloody head, pushed the body to lay it flat, and put Set’s head in the space between his legs.
The hall had erupted in a sobering clamour, but Isis merely looked up and called out to the hall, “All those who would see Set made pharaoh shall adorn his tomb forever.” At these words the guards rushed forward to kill every traitor, and the hall ran with blood.
Try to kill my pharaoh will you? This shall teach you to mess with a goddess.
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Notes: because Isis is a BAMF and Osiris is a putz, and this is what needed to happen instead of Isis just leaving her husband and his usurper alone unsupervised.
Bib: Egyptian Myth and Legend by Donald Mackenzie (1907).
Web source.
